Vote this way, you know it makes sense!

Time to vote! But just to put aside all the venom that’s circulating around this election for a moment, I’d like to put forward my manifesto on behalf of the Let’s Have A Party Party (Manchester branch). It’s available as a poster at www.statementartworks.com

EDUCATION, EDUCATION, EDUCATION

Birmingham, England’s second city? You’ve got to be joking.

SCRAP HS2!

Half an hour off the train journey  to London – who cares?

ZEROL TOLERANCE!

Of lazy London-centric media folk who use ‘grim’ or ‘oop’ whenever they refer to the north.

LET US EAT CAKE!

Eccles or Chorley ones, please.

CROWN A MANC MONARCH!

It’s either King Colin of Bell or King Eric of Cantona.

ALL STAND FOR THE MANC ANTHEM!

Station Approach by Elbow, an ode to Piccadilly, the gateway to the best city in the world.

BUILD A WALL!

Those Yorkshire folk have got to be stopped migrating over the Pennines to civilisation somehow.

BETTER DEAD THAN RED!

No child shall be encouraged to support Liverpool. Ever! Same goes for Leeds United and Chelsea.

A NEW BANK HOLIDAY!

In honour of Tony Wilson, our late spiritual leader.

SELF-RULE FOR CHORLTON!

Recognise the right of the trendy enclave to operate entirely according to its own liberal, yoghurt-knitting, vegan agenda. Build its new parliament as an extension to the Unicorn co-operative vegan superstore.

STRONG AND STABLE!

Old Toms all round, on prescription! The beer, one of Greater Manchester’s strongest and produced by Robinsons Brewery, is laughing juice and after two you’re barely stable. So lovely though.

RISE UP, MANCUNIANS, AND PARTY!

Nothing new there, but let’s not do any more of that 24-hour stuff.

GIVE PEACE A CHANCE!

Let’s call a truce with our nice Scouse neighbours over in Liverpool. Don’t like that idea? Well just calm down, calm down.

This is a party political blog on behalf of all parties

Welcome to the party!

I’ve never considered my posters to be political. Always wanted to spread a bit of fun rather than get people’s knickers in a twist.

However, I recently looked at my market stall and realised that there is something there for people across the political spectrum, albeit unintentionally (apart from one) by me.

So there’s the Northern Mother poster - which has been flying recently - and ardent socialists could read whatever they want to in that. Social realism, heroic Soviet-era pose. Man the barricades with Jeremy!

Then there’s the Manc-hattan poster, which could be viewed as a homage to capitalism, with those giant Deansgate skyscrapers, and Willie Gladstone in the foreground. More phallic conservatism than you can shake a Boris plonker at! G&Ts all round!

And that brings me to the Lib-dems, who no one can possible hate but who neither can most people get passionate about. Goodwill to all men, women, children, dogs, non-binary, sexually-fluid hamsters, you name it. A sort of Christmassy type vibe then, reflected in my Mancunian Christmas card. Raise your egg-nog glasses to that!

Finally, there’s the Manchester Manifesto, which is political, but in a non-party way. Power to Manchester!

So take your pick, cast your vote and keep your fingers crossed!

By the way, the Northern Mother poster is a tribute to my late mum, and the dedication reads:

Dedicated to Annie Jackson. Born in Ardwick, Manchester, shortly after the First World War, served with the armed forces during the Second World War, married the boy next door, had five kids, two of them stillborn, widowed before she was 40, brought up her children while working as a waitress in a factory, final weekly pay packet £32. Died of cancer aged 62. Heroine. Lady. Dancer. Worker. Fighter. 

Make of that what you will.

This weekend we are at Altrincham Market (Saturday and Sunday) and Treacle Market in Macclesfield (Sunday). See you there.

www.statementartworks.com